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Saturday, August 4, 2012

Need for order


I have two children. Through no deliberate design on my part, the first one’s name starts with an A. The second one’s name begins with a B. As I said, this was not consciously done, but now I have to live with it. My children are alphabetized according to age. Should a third child appear, I will somehow have to convince the mother of said child that his/her name must begin with a C. Part of this process will probably include some sneaky deception, because my guess is there are very few mothers out there who are keen to name their child based on alphabetical requirements. I’ll have to be casual with the names I support, picking awesome C-names while deliberately selecting crap names from elsewhere in the alphabet. It’ll be tough. There are plenty of good C-names out there at least (if I should somehow breed like a crazy person and hit 24 kids, I’ve got very few options).


Of course, it isn’t so much that the kids must be named alphabetically. That’s only one possible pattern out of a myriad of possibilities. Kid 3’s name could start with a D, for instance. Then Kid 4 could have a D-name. See, you jump one step in the alphabet to go from A to B, so you’d get D if you double that number. Thinking outside the box, I could pick a G-name by slipping over to the Greek alphabet (Alpha, Beta, Gamma, etc). The point is to find a pattern. That’s what’s important.


Then there’s the names of the mothers. Two kids, two moms, so that means if there are THREE kids, there has to be a third mom. (Unless, of course, I can start at the top of the batting order again, but that seems unlikely.) The first one is an A-name. Then we’ve got an E-name. Again, coincidence (I hope), but it does lock me into a pretty rigid pattern. Vowels. That’s tricky, as there aren’t many I-names. I guess Mom 3 has to be an Idra or an Illya.


None of this would be necessary, of course, if I didn’t have a mild case of OCPD (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, not be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder). It’s very mild. I don’t have to order the breakfast cereals on my shelves by size, alphabet, or fibre content. Towels don’t have to have their edges lined up when hanging. My bed doesn’t have hospital corners and my books aren’t lined up by publication date. It doesn’t rule my daily life or anything.


Then again, I did just spend half a day plotting how to slip a C-name for an imaginary child I’m not planning to have past a fictional I-name woman I’m not planning to woo.


Maybe “moderate” is a more apt word than “mild.”

1 comment:

  1. We unintentionally gave all three of our kids double-t names. It was never planned that way. In fact, Number Three Child had a different name than the one he answers to up until I met him for the very first time. The name we planned ahead didn't fit him (or so I thought, and R wisely chose not to argue about it with the person who had just given birth to the 9+ pound boy in her bedroom sans epidural) I don't think we noticed the pattern until the new Provincial Health Card came in the mail and we saw everybody's names lined up in a column.
    I am not sure which double-t names are left so thank goodness our family is finished growing!

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