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Saturday, February 11, 2012

First World Problems Part 2


Here we are with another list of First World Problems.
Raisin. Disgusting, and they turn up everywhere. They’re like little rabbit turds. Why would you take a perfectly good grape and mummify it? And if you did, why would you then imagine the tiny little fruit-mummy was good for eating? Blech.
Bad fake accents. English actors are able to fake ours a lot better than we can do theirs, so just quit it, people. It’s terrible. Anyone remember Keanu Reeves in Dracula? His accent was the scariest part of that movie. On that topic, why does any movie or show involving swords, even if it’s a dragon-populated world that could never have existed, automatically come with English accents?
Advertisements that crow about their space-age, kick-ass “anti-bacterial soap.” All soap is anti-bacterial, you goobers. It always has been. Why do you think we use it?
“Best” or “Worst” lists presented as empirical facts when it’s all just subjective opinion. One pompous ass thinks this is the “Ten Worst Dressed Hollywood Stars,” but a different ass has a different opinion, and who really cares, anyway? Sometimes I think these lists are just meant to get people upset. “How dare they not include my favourite book/food/movie/villain/hero/etc.”
Locating the underground gas or power lines before I dig holes in my backyard. Doing this the first time makes sense, and it’s a free service, so why not? The part that baffles and annoys is that the analysis is only good for two weeks or so. They mark the location of the lines, but if I have more digging to do in a month, I’m supposed to call Manitoba Hydro back to check again. Have the lines migrated? Do they move? My understanding is once you put in a gas line, its pretty much a permanent fixture.
Central vac. Let’s do away with the light part of a vacuum (the cord) and replace it with the heavy part (the hose). Maybe this made sense in a time when vacuums themselves were three hundred pounds (a time that never existed, in other words), but we’ve had light-weight, mobile vacuums for decades now. Not only is a central vac system more awkward to use, it’s complex, with meters of tubing running through the house. A pain to put in, a pain to repair, a pain to drag around. The only plus side that I can see is that it really allows me to practice my obscenities.

1 comment:

  1. I so agree with you about central vacuuming. It makes no sense. Whoever thought up that concept and then sold it to a company was a genius. Best con man ever.

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