Friday, November 4, 2011

Sack up, Herman

That’s right. Grow a pair. Just come clean and admit that settlements were made on your behalf to silence accusations of sexual harassment. Admitting a matter was settled out of court is not the same as an admission of guilt. It can’t be, otherwise the second you signed the paper the bailiff and judge would show up and yell “Gotcha!” before dragging you off to jail. “Ah, you sucker. You fell for the oldest trick in the book. A settlement? Oh, that’s rich.” And then the judicial system would chortle to itself, smug and happy. But it doesn’t work that way because there are plenty of instances where it is easier and cheaper to pay an accuser some hush-money and then just go on living your life.
For those who don’t follow American politics or the Daily Show (and you really should, both are entertaining as anything else on TV), one of the Republican presidential nominees Herman Cain is being dodgy about former potential issues with sexual harassment. Maybe he did it (probably) and maybe he didn’t (doubtful) but the point I’m trying to make is this: When something is FACTUALLY TRUE, don’t try and skirt around it. Among many other examples, Clinton tried it with Lewinsky, and it just ends up making you look guiltier when you’re finally forced to capitulate.
What compels a public figure to delude themselves into thinking for one second that anything they have ever done, imagined, written about, or whispered down a deep well won’t get uncovered by some reporter? The media has a pretty good track record on this stuff. Sure, they don’t always find out in a timely fashion, but if you have dirt on you, they’ll sniff it out eventually. The 24-hour news cycle demands it. Those all-day channels need more grist for the mill. Their attention is only going to be magnified when you’re running for the most powerful job (sort of) in the most powerful country in the world (unfortunately).
So sack up, Herman Cain. The same goes for all the rest of you wannabes. You don’t have to offer up your darkest secrets, but when some newshound discovers photos of you in Victoria’s Secret underwear, just own up to it. Sadly we’re living in an era of blame and victim. Nothing you do is ever your fault, and somehow every situation can be spun so that you are actually the victim. My dad was a jerk, so I never learned how to love. The media is out to get me. The woman was out for attention. I didn’t get into the school I wanted (that’s a Hitler special, there, probably the historical figure who most changed the world as a result of a university rejection letter). Blah, blah, blah. Basically, it’s all garbage.
They are cowards, and stupid ones at that. Every kindergarten kid knows you get in way less trouble if you admit that YOU were the one that did it. This is basic stuff, guys. Really. If you can't grow a spine, at least grow a brain.

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