Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sorry, kids

The school my oldest kid goes to has two entrances. The younger students use one, the older another. Last year we were at the high end of the young, basically our last year among the wee ones. Now we’re the smallest at the older end, and there are some stark differences. One thing I noticed right away is the difference in appearance of these children.
Last year, the kids were cute. Dimples, baby fat, big eyes, infectious laughter, carefree attitudes evident as they tore around the playground participating in games that had no rules any adult could understand. This year, though... Wow.
The kids got ugly.
Sorry, but it’s true. Those of you who have children drifting into and through adolescence know what I’m talking about. Oh, you probably think your own kid is still awesome, but surely you’ve noticed his friends are looking a little weird. The other odd thing is that it’s only the boys.
They barely look human anymore. Their facial features are distorted. Lips, nose, and ears have all grown and the rest of the face hasn’t caught up yet. Hair is shaggy. Some of them are sprouting that upper lip hair that looks more like a dirt smear than a moustache. Limbs are gangly. Movements are jerky and uneven. Even though their voices haven’t deepened yet, their laughter is harsh and troll-like. The girls, on the other hand, appear to be having a smoother transition into their adult forms. There are some exceptions, but for the most part the really weird mutations aren’t affecting them.
(I have been informed by reliable sources that all the horrible girl changes take place where you can’t see them. I’m in no position to argue. However, I will submit that boys undergo some significant hidden transformations as well. Menstruation versus nocturnal emissions and NRBs. I won’t say it’s a draw, but boys are at least in the race.)
Maybe those grotesque adolescent years are a downpayment of suffering against the later decades when men (allegedly) get more handsome while gravity wreaks havoc on our female counterparts.

No comments:

Post a Comment