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Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Cookie Monster inside me



There it is. You are looking at the best cookie in the world.
It is sweet without being cloying, soft without falling apart in your hands, chewy without being tough, nutty without causing allergic reactions. The cookie is all things. It is glorious. “Delicious” is too small a word. It is safe to say that I have never experienced a cookie that has given me more pleasure. (And that’s a big statement, as the cafeteria in my high school used to make a cookie that was, until now, King Cookie in my world. The only way in which that old cookie trumps this new one is size: it was as big as a plate. Still, the new one is better.)
Since there is always a risk of being slaughtered by my own wife for revealing her secret recipe to the world, I will speak of it only in vague terms. Essentially, the construction of this delightful treat has as its foundation the self-same cookie dough that results in a chocolate-chip cookie.
Chocolate-chip cookie dough is awesome. I used to scam spoonfuls of it all the time when my mom would bake, in spite of her constant warnings against the salmonella I was certain to get from the raw egg in the batter. It used to be a mainstay snack (ie, meal) during the marathon gaming sessions of my late teens and early twenties. We’d buy it in tube form and just dig it out of the plastic wrapper with spoons. (Repeating that feat these days would probably kill me now, or at least put me down for 72 hours groaning and clutching my aching stomach.)
The only problem with chocolate-chip cookie dough was the chocolate chips. Most bakers add semi-sweet chocolate chips. First of all, why is there even such a thing as SEMI-sweet chocolate? Screw that. Chocolate is a desert. It should be so filled with sugar I can hear it hiss and sizzle through my tooth enamel. People who eat dark chocolate and crow about the “delightful bitterness” are weird. Bitter is bad. The only reason we have taste buds that detect bitter is so our caveman ancestors could taste something, spit it out, and say “Grog no like. Berry activate Grog’s bitter taste receptors. Berry probably poison.” Enjoying bitter is the gastronomic equivalent of being masochistic. “Oh yeah, hit me with that hammer again. I LOOOVE the pain!”
Sweet or not, I’m not the biggest chocolate fan. It sure doesn’t belong in my cookie dough. So when my wife made these cookies, I was immediately in love (with the cookie). Instead of chocolate, she adds chopped pecans and Skor bits. Since the Skor bar used to be my fifth food group, the flavour of the “bit” is extremely appealing and certainly appeals to my sweet tooth. Chocolate chip cookie dough without the chocolate, pecans, Skor. The perfect cookie.
Feast your eyes while I gorge myself.

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