Monday, May 2, 2011

Tinfoil Hat Brigade triumphs!

After nearly a decade of haunting American minds, bin Laden is finally dead. There can be no doubt that this is a great victory, but who truly wins here? Not the American people; it will take only days before another spectre is raised to scare them into complacency and obedience. Not for justice, either; can there ever truly be balanced scales after thousands of people die? And it isn’t the cause of freedom that prevailed, either, for bin Laden is only the most famous of the never-ending string of people that want to impose their tyranny on us all.
There is a group, though, that has gained a clear-cut tally in the old “Win” column: the Tinfoil Hat Brigade.
Forever after the momentous events of May 1, they will be able to march forward in unity, knowing in their hearts that bin Laden lives on and that the Government has lied. They will be ever certain that they are the clever ones that saw through the clever ruse, and the rest of us only gullible patsies waiting to be fed our next meal of deceit. What a triumph! It is a particularly good time for the Brigade, too, because they are also currently able to bask in the glow of successfully revealing the American President to be an illegal immigrant. These are indeed heady days if you wear a tinfoil hat.
The Brigade has enjoyed other victories before, of course, but this one will certainly be a feather in their tinfoil caps. Probably even as we go blindly about our daily lives, bin Laden is enjoying margaritas in Argentina with Hitler, Elvis, Roswell aliens, and JFK. Talk about a party! I almost wish the Government would fake my death, just so I could hang out.
Of course the Government (any government at all, since the time governments were invented) is capable of deceiving its population. There is no moral depths to which they won’t stoop in order to gain a fleeting advantage over their rivals. Take a look at the Weapons of Mass Destruction Fable propagated on us just a few years ago. It is certainly possible to fool some of the people some of the time. What I don’t believe is that the Government is capable of fooling us all forever. This is the age of the global village, the time of the whistle-blower. The moment an event is reported, hordes of Mountain Dew-swilling nerds begin dissecting it to discover discrepancies. When they find one, out comes the text/Facebook/Twitter/internet, and boom, mystery solved. Nothing lasts forever, and that includes lies.
Logic, however, will never sway a Tinfoil Hat Brigadier. Their faith is unassailable. After all, as Jonathan Swift famously said, “It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.”

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